Updated: Mar 19
This podcast is a parody of guided meditation exercises and explicit language is used. Listener discretion is advised. Special thanks to my creative partner, Sam, for their hand in writing this episode. Listen in now on Patreon or Tuesday, March 17, 2020.
In this two-part guided meditation special, Sami and Tawny touch on the boss babe culture, collagen injections, Jeff Bezos, Deadpool, Jerry from Cheer, Tom Hanks, finding your inner goddess, radical acceptance, and of course... coping with the coronavirus pandemic.
"If you are devoid of inner peace, borrow some from Jeff Bezos, whose net worth of over 100 billion dollars helps him sleep at night, despite the fact that we have higher hospital bills than like, any other developed nation. This is not to say Jeff Bezos is directly at fault, but Amazon needs to pay some more fucking taxes is all I'm saying."
"Think about your traumas now as your goddess origin story. You are a goddamn comic book hero with a gnarly past that drove you to this life you now live in Sin City. That’s right, we’re now going to use escapism and think of our trauma as simply our superhero origin stories. We’ll cope that way, because, hey, we could definitely be drunk instead."
"You’re basically Abed from Community at this point and who knows where reality begins and ends. At the very least, you’ll be entertained as you descend into your delusions."
"So hey there, superhero. Feeling grizzled? Do you feel like Deadpool? As if you’re being tortured in a sick experiment to see what it will take to kill you? If you do feel that way, take comfort in knowing that Deadpool never dies. He is just broken over and over and over and over and over again, suffering day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute. But hey, he sure does tell funny fuckin jokes."
And as promised, here's Jerry from "Cheer" giving amazing mat talk. This is how we all need to start our day: