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NEW 9+ Minute Funny Meditation Video

Updated: Mar 4, 2023

Transcript is below and more videos are on the way so be sure to subscribe on my channel for more!

Tonight we’re going to escape into a world free from the bs that is your daily life. We’re going to spend some time in a world without unrealistic expectations and lies like “we all have the same 24 hours in a day” because, no Andrew, we most certainly do not.

Nobody in this world is going to tell you to just be positive, because that’s positively absurd. We can’t meditate and deep breathe our way out of being underpaid.

We’re not going to sugar coat reality. That’s what lifestyle influencers are for. Go follow them if that’s what you need tonight. We won’t judge you… too harshly.

Tonight, we’re going to give the bird to everything and everyone who’s making us feel anxious, depressed, and hopeless. Isn’t it wild that practicing self care and finding peace is now an act of resistance.

Isn’t it bananas that simply taking care of yourself is rebellious?

My god.

I’m not saying we’re in the worst timeline, but it’s certainly up there in terms of severity.

I hope I didn’t stress you out by saying that, I really didn’t mean to. I shared that with you because I want you to know that you should cut yourself some slack.

It’s ok if your house isn’t spotless. Is someone judging you for having dusty baseboards? Is it the same someone whose job as a cashier was able to finance a cute little one bedroom apartment 45 years ago?

The same someone who went to college and got their degree FOR FREE and now tells you that you just need to budget better and that’s why you’re struggling? The same someone who purchased their first house with $20k, a handshake, and an apple pie?

That must be frustrating. And your feelings are valid.

Just try to remember, there are some things we can’t control- and the asinine crap that comes out of some people’s mouths, is one of those things.

So we have to focus on what we can control. Like leaving that buffoon on read or conveniently being busy when they want to come over. They don't need to know that what you’re busy with is eating a double cheeseburger slathered in nacho cheese and thousand island dressing while you lay in bed on a Tuesday at 6:30.

That’s the kind of world you, heck all of us, deserve to live in… a world flowing with nacho cheese, dressing, and all of the greatest condiments ever created.

It isn’t a lie if you say you’re busy. Busy shouldn’t mean that 20 hours of the day is filled with tightly scheduled activities and appointments. Not at this pay rate, bucko.

This is a world where you aren’t living to work, a world where you don't have meaningless obligations, a world where there is little to no bureaucracy, and your work actually has a purpose.

Because sure, right now your purpose might be to seamlessly transition micro-collaborative process management to exceed today’s competitive marketplace expectations but let’s be honest, nobody knows what that means. And we’d probably all be fine without it.

If you’re currently experiencing existential panic at the thought of this meaningless existence, it’s totally normal. I couldn’t tell you if it’s ok or if you should be worried, but it is normal.

It can also be freeing.

Downsize. Get roommates. Stop spending discretionary income with big companies who charge exorbitant convenience fees to use their online services. Buy stitch markers from someone off Etsy. Buy tamales from the vendor who is outside your work on Thursdays. Break some rules. Get into good trouble.

And for the love of Lucifer and all his spicy little demons, ask for help. I know it’s the cringiest, most mortifying suggestion, I totally get it. We are told to be relentlessly independent to the point of turning into a literal bald eagle.

Rejection is a nightmare for many of us. There’s a reason so many of us do everything ourselves. Heck, many of us will even sew our own sutures if we slice open our arm- , and it’s not just because we can’t afford to go to the doctor, we mostly don’t wanna bother anyone.

So yeah, I get it, rejection is a nightmare.

You know what else is a nightmare?

This dystopia we’re living in.

It is unreasonable at this point in time to avoid asking for help. And rejection? There’s so much worse than rejection. Like not being able to afford your gas and electric bill because your utilities company is increasing the rates just for funsies and giving astronomical raises to the CEO and board of directors (stares into the camera).

Keep asking for help and getting rejected until someone says yes. You’ll find your people eventually.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Self, I’m not sure how to ask for help. Isn’t having needs rude?”

To which many of us would say, “Same, fam” while healthier individuals might respond with something along the lines of, “dear god who hurt you?”

Here’s what helped me. First, simply state a fact. “I can’t afford my rent because my wage is not keeping up with inflation and my land lord is a piece of - .”

Next, express your feelings about the situation by using an “I feel” statement like, “I feel like combining our resources under one roof would make this hellscape more manageable.”

Then, assert yourself by asking for what you want. For example, “Would you like to move in together so we can afford things like heat and food?”

Reward the person by explaining the positive effects of getting what you need. For example, “Would you like to move in together so we can afford things like heat and food?”

And remember, it’s ok if they say no. You might have to ask quite a few people before you find someone who can give you the specific help you need. You got this. It’s post 2020. You’ve been through worse. I believe in you.

Goodnight and good luck.

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